Excuses….. I for one are full of them. Ifs and buts are yet another of ones flaws.
Soooo its been erm I don’t even know….. how many weeks… pah months since I last posted on my blog! As per usual in my rather manic world I have been busy doing other things like spending more money than I should and having quite a ball….. albeit with its bad days……. pah weeks. Meh its all change again over this neck of the woods.
So this weeks mood. Mainly Lethargic, whist-full, melancholy, and spacey. Fairly rational and confident. Enjoying work, life and pay day. Feeling a bit chubby. I can’t run due to this god awful chest infection, tooth ache and general blergh mood. Oooooo Rational excuses 😛
My tooth snapped well over a year a go. Seen as I have only been dentist once in 12 years due to irrational fear is why I just keep putting off the inevitable root canal. It was my only ever filling and now my only ever cracked tooth and now a massive massive pain in the proverbial. I debate constantly the vodka and pliers jobby.
I am loving music again. Yey! The besty gave me her downgrade lol. Its same as the old phone I lost. It was like getting back on the bike. So I am forever listening to my favourite music again. I have also discovered some very useful apps and my long lost love of angry birds. I am back out of the dark ages!!! Although it was safe there
You can understand my recent distractions….. or excuses. Typical of the bi mood folk I am for ever covering my behaviour and emotions with excuses. I always need something to be doing or clinging to, to get by. Its strange the ever empty hole I carry. I can never be satisfied. Don’t get me wrong I am more than happy with my lot and life. I am lucky in so many respects. It is so hard for me to explain. Its a sinking feeling I constantly try to cover, fill or ignore. Sometimes it manifests as anxiety, others as reckless behaviours, drugs, drink, fast driving. I crave a mirage always, something to take it away. Adrenalin is my favourite. Hah. If I am not asleep, stoned, drunk, working, speeding, galloping and jumping the horse or in a forbidden place my brain starts chunnering…. and in turn my anxiety worsens. I constantly judge myself, then the depression and guilt comes swinging back round. Ohhh the joys.
Any who. Got to go grab a bath now. Might write again soon. Not promising. That is another thing I have recently decided. No promises, no excuses.