not enough tissues for issues

Something's got to give……

Damn you weekend cravings….. February 10, 2013

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So I fell of the coffee wagon yesterday. Royally. I had four which is less than usual but is four more than I had promised myself. I had a huge caffeine withdrawal headache all day on Friday so Yesterday I had one to stave off yet another head pain. Or so I told myself. Just have the one I decided. Its like weaning. FAIL. One led to another to another.

So I look at why. I had a bit of a row with him. We do not argue often but when we do it knocks me for six and I feel shit all day. I am still being regimented in my TEE TOTAL from alcohol,  so instead of turning to drink, coffee it seems is the next best thing. Plus its weekend and I need something to replace the bottle of wine or two I consume on the average Saturday night. So there are my excuses and I am quite aware that is what they are – excuses.

I am enjoying one right now. FAIL. This WILL be the only one today. I could laugh. I can quit alcohol which was a huge land mark for me and this must be the longest I have abstained from a drink since the first time I tried it and yet coffee is walking the hell all over me. What the fuck brain. Seriously what the fuck.

On the plus side Yesterday was not a complete failure I had the most productive afternoon. The house as usual during a hypomanic episode is immaculate and obsessively compulsively arranged. I had a meditation session courtesy of You Tube / Mood Gym and I found I relaxed the best I had ever managed in my life. I swear by making the time to have a chill and clear your mind. It really helps me unwind and focus my manic energies somewhat. Then  I went on to spend 3 hours scrubbing horse tack back to beauty and then oiled the leather half to death. You do have to moisturise dead skin too ha.

Today I feel great. No anxiety what so ever. No head ache. Depression is none existent. Phew this hopefully may be the end to my recent mixed episode.  I have also put on ten pounds too in this last couple of weeks wooo! I am now 110 pounds and my BMI has increased to 17.96 from a worrying 16.31. I am still considered underweight but this is an improvement none the less. Go me!

I also found that I am back functioning as make up sex with him was great last night! Thank god for that. That has been worrying me no end.

So today I am going for a hack out on the horses with my longest suffering best mate J. We really are thick as thieves and I always have a great time when I am with her. In all the years I have known her she has been there for me no matter what and vise versa. I can be myself fully around her and she never judges me. She is in all fairness barmy and I suppose that is why we have clung to each other for over ten years! J is so lucky she has has the most gorgeous baby girl I have ever ever seen. I will hereby refer to her baby Puffit which is her favourite baby snack. She makes my womb pang every time I see her! She is so so intelligent she learns something new daily. I cannot wait to have my own Puffit! I unfortunately won’t see her today she is far too little to join us on a ride out. Trust me when I say as soon as she can we will be pony shopping!!

I then plan on having a massive pamper session tonight. I have a new few treats to use so I am going to indulge. The house is clean and tidy, I will be well exercised from our ride, and I am back in work tomorrow. Seems a good idea to me, to go back refreshed and feeling lovely.

Relax and Unwind today guys 🙂 It is Sunday after all! Treat yourselves!

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